Wendy UnBrOkEn

Without the Dark, We'd Never See the Stars...

Saturday, September 29, 2012

2nd Fill Monday Sept 24th (Lap Band)

I was so excited to get another fill in my band Monday,  I arrived at the doctor office 30 minutes early!  Checked in and filled out my worksheet on my eating habits and waited... 

After being called back, Dr. Keilin came in right away.  She was quick, poking that needle right in and giving me 2 more cc's of fluid.  At this point I had 4 cc's total in a 10 cc band.  She gave me a cup of water to drink and I drank it and I went home.

Two hours later:
...Can't drink anything, can't eat anything, can't even take a deep breath! The band was too tight. I coughed all night for two nights (this is a symptom of the band being too tight), vomited up what little water I was able to drink and had a feeling in my gut like there was a vice grip on my stomach.  I didn't want to race back up to the office, so I toughed it out...for 2 1/2 DAYS!!!  I was starting to get a headache and a dry mouth.  I knew I was dehydrating fast.  I finally called the office and told them what was going on.  They told me to come in at 3 pm to get unfilled. They had to call in a nurse to do it because the doctors were out of town.  When I got there, they rushed me right to the back and weighed me.  I had lost 6 pounds of water weight from not being able to drink for 2 and a half days.  WOW!  The nurse removed 1 cc of fluid and that made all the difference in the world!  I was able to drink!!!  ...I drank a lot that day; water never tasted so good.  I had to re-hydrate! Now, I have 3 cc's in a 10 cc band and I seem to be doing great now.  With the band, it is just trial and error.  You add liquid for restriction, and take it back out if it is too restrictive until you reach your "sweet spot". 

Sunday, September 23, 2012


I haven't lost anymore weight, so there will be no pictures this month.  Sorry to everyone that looks forward to them. 

 I get another fill in my band Monday Sept. 24 at 10:40am.  Maybe that will help.  I was told by my sleep specialist that I am not losing weight because of my mixed (or complex) sleep apnea disorder and chronic fatigue syndrome.  When I finally get that under control and have enough fluid in the band I will start to loose weight.  

My sleep disorder is just so profound, plus I also have  chronic fatigue syndrome . I am just a wreck.  I am sure it will take a while to regulate my sleep schedule.  I still feel very weak and sleepy at all times.  I really hate this.  It ruins everything in my life.  Everything I do is such an effort for me.  I have to work three times as hard as everyone else to do the most basic things.  There are CFS medications my doctor will try me on if I continue to be weak and sick.  


My friends Ashley and Lori and I went to the Four States Fair and Rodeo last night.  The hospital that I work for does an annual employee appreciation day.  This year they held it at the fair.  I was able to get in for free and take up to three guests for free. We also were able to eat for free and ride the rides for free. I love Christus St. Michael!! 

The three of us had the best time out there last night.  We ate some BBQ, funnel cakes and lemonade.  Ashley and Lori talked me into riding some rides.  I never ride rides.  I am a chicken shit and I feel that fair rides are very unsafe.  Ashley said I needed to live a little and come out of my shell.  So, I rode a few with her.  It ended up being quite fun and exciting and I survived it.  I do feel like I have been run over by a truck this morning, though.  I had a death grip on all of the rides, so I am sure my muscles are sore because of that.  I am sleepy, cold,  nauseous  and super fatigued, too.  I just want to go back to bed.  The fair wore my ass out!! When I get off work tonight I plan to just crash into my bed and not move for 9 hours.  

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

* CPAP * Sleep Apnea *

I wasn't going to blog about this, but I think I need to just in case there is ever someone reading this blog who may not know they are suffering with sleep apnea. Sleep apnea usually cannot be cured, but it can be managed with a machine called a CPAP (continuous positive air pressure).  I know I have mentioned my sleep issues before, but now I have finally been given a device to help me achieve the re-cooperative sleep I need in order to lead a fulfilling and productive life.  My risk for stroke and heart disease is greatly reduced, as is my risk to die in my sleep from cardiac arrest.  Yes, sleep apnea is very serious and can be deadly.  

Since getting my machine a week ago, I have already had to exchange my mask for a new one because I hated the one they gave me to start out with.  Why they thought I would like a nasal mask is beyond me.  Talk about uncomfortable! It is a small mask that fits just over your nose area.  If you are a nose only breather and never open your mouth when you breath then that mask would probably be just fine for you.  If you do open your mouth at night for any reason, even to speak, the air comes down and around your nasal cavity and shoots very forcefully out of your mouth! It also makes a loud hissing sound.  It reminded me of what I would think a fire breathing dragon would sound like!  My kids thought it was quite hilarious that air shot out of my mouth, so much so that my daughter even tried the mask on herself and pretended to be a dragon. 

Today I took the nasal mask back to the store and exchanged it for a full mask.  It covers the nose and mouth area.  Now when I open my mouth, I won't be the dragon lady!!  

My new mask is for women.  It is pink!!  
Here is a photo of the mask I got today.  No, it is not pretty and it is not attractive to wear it, it isn't sexy or appealing in any way, but if I don't wear it when I sleep, I cannot breath. My brain doesn't tell me to breath and I wake up 100 times an hour. Yes, an hour.  I literally stop breathing.  I could DIE. I probably will never date again LOL  

There is continuous air being forced through the mask and into your lungs to keep you breathing and alive.  At first it is like trying to breath in a hurricane.  You get used to it and then you can sleep.  Once you are asleep, you don't even wake up.  I now am able to go into REM sleep (something I haven't done in a long time) and I am able to dream again (people dream while in REM sleep). I have had some really trippy dreams this past week.  From nightmares about my kids dying, to getting married to an old boyfriend. They have been super vivid and realistic. 

I have been so long (years) without true sleep that I forgot how good sleep can make you feel.  I can already tell that my neck and back don't hurt as much as they previously did.  I am still in some pain but, not in horrible pain.  I could just be in some weird honeymoon phase of treatment where I get temporary relief from symptoms in the beginning and then the pain comes back later. I sure hope that isn't the case here.  Being in constant chronic pain and having constant debilitating fatigue really diminishes a persons quality of life. I have been literally spending Monday - Wednesday in bed just laying there.  Going to work required bottles of 5 hour energy drinks, caffeine pills, and coffee just to function.  I hope those days are over!

Sleep apnea is actually more common than you would think.  A lot of people have it and have no idea that they have it. 

Approximately one in every five adults has sleep apnea!! 

There are three types of sleep apnea:

1. Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA)
  • The most common type of sleep apnea; occurs when your upper airway closes but your efforts to breathe continue
  • Upper airway obstruction caused usually by lack of muscle tone during sleep, extra upper airway tissue and/or anatomical abnormalities in the upper airway and jaw

2. Central sleep apnea (CSA)
  • Occurs when your breathing stops but your airway is open
  • Results from the body's failure to breathe automatically. It's as if a short circuit prevents the brain from keeping the respiratory system functioning properly
3. Mixed apnea
  • A mixture of both OSA and CSA

Here are the symptoms that are easiest to identify without diagnostic testing:
  • Excessive sleepiness (use the Epworth Sleepiness Scale to evaluate your sleepiness)
  • Snoring (people with OSA usually snore but not always)
  • Witnessed apneas or irregular breathing during sleep (gasping, long pauses, etc – a spouse or partner may notice these)
  • Impaired concentration
  • Impaired memory
  • Morning headaches
  • Sexual dysfunction

High blood pressure (hypertension) and decreased blood oxygen levels are common symptoms for people with sleep apnea, but these are not easily detected. 

If you think you might have sleep apnea, I urge you to seek help!  It could literally mean the difference between life and death. 

For more information about sleep apnea please visit the Mayo Clinic website

Peacock Tattoo

I must be crazy to even think about this, but I was thinking when I lose more weight I might have to get this on my right upper arm. I want to put tropical flowers around it and grasses and butterflies. I guess it will end up being kind of a half sleeve but not the type that wraps around to the under side of the arm.  I think this is so pretty.  Leave me some comments with other ideas if you have them!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Little of this, little of that

Well, we made it to September!  Cooler temperatures are on the horizon!  I don't know about you, but I am sick of 105 degree temps burning up my house, car and everywhere else.  I can never get cool and it makes my body feel miserable.   I heard tomorrow might be 85!  I may have to break out the sweats and a coat! That is chilly compared to 105!


I am about a month and a half out from lap band surgery. Unfortunately,  I haven't lost anymore weight.  I am stuck at the 15 pound mark.  I have lost some inches from my middle and thighs and arms, though.  The band just isn't tight enough, yet.  I have 2cc inside the band right now, but I will probably need several more fills to get the full benefit.  I cannot eat as much as I used to, but I can eat more than what the doctor wants me to be eating.  I try very hard to eat healthy foods, though.  I don't want to gain weight! I still make green smoothies with my Nutribullet.  I drink one or two a day.  They are delicious!   I go back to my doctor September 24.  


Ugh, all this political back and forth is almost enough to make me scream!  I hate election time.  It turns all of my friends into wild beasts!  Everyone has their own opinion, which is a very good thing, but when opinions turn into belittling others, cussing others and general asshole-ness... (yes, asshole-ness....I am declaring it a word!) then I get tired of it really fast!! 

I have decided that the candidate/party that  even comes close to how I think and believe is The Green Party's, Jill Stein.  Plus, Jill Stein is a woman!  Isn't it time we had a woman president?  It is sad to me that people don't really know who she is. 

Everyone is so wrapped up in the race between the republicans and the democrats.  I wish other parties got as much attention.  If I had to pick one or the other, I would have to go with the democrats for sure.  I am and never will be a conservative.  


I am craving more ink... I know, I know...no big surprise there.  I am addicted to the tattoo machine!!  I admit it.  I crave that pain.  It is kind of like child birth.  Lots of pain, but you get something beautiful in the end.  I need to save up my money so I can get magnolias in honor of my Nana.  I am really excited about this piece.  


My fibro is acting up this week.  I am in some serious pain.  My neck hurts and my lower back/pelvis hurts.  I am really tired all the time and moving around makes my muscles feel very fatigued and sore.  I have been waking up with headaches the past three mornings.  I should have known that it was a sign of the pain that was to come.  I came to work this morning, but it is all I can do to not cry from the pain and discomfort and burning sensations in my muscles.  I feel heavy and worn down.  I think if I went home right now, I would sleep for days.  This illness sucks so bad.  I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I feel like shit 70% of the time anyways, but then I get a flare up and feel like I've  been run over by a train and dragged 10 miles.  ...and the worst part?  NO ONE "gets it" unless they have this illness.  Think about a time when you had the flu... that overwhelming tired feeling and the achy muscles.  You just felt BAD.  That is how I feel most of the time... It affects my whole life.  No one understands why I can't just get over it.  Some doctors don't even believe it's real.   People with fibro are NOT faking it... I can assure you.  Who would want to live this way?? I'd give anything to feel better. ANYTHING.